We need immigration law reform — Opinion
by Hugh Holub on May. 10, 2010, under border issues, politics, SB 1070So what do we do about 10 or 12 million undocumented folks living in the country now?
If anyone thinks that many people can be deported, or will leave, they must be using illegal drugs. Not going to happen.
What are we going to do about people who want to cross our border to work?
How can we clean up the mess that is our immigration law without creating “amnesty”?
First…what do you mean by “amnesty’?
It seems like any proposal to resoplve the immigration mess is called “amnesty”. As long as that is the position of Republicans, there won’t be any immigration law reform.
Consider the efforts by Senate Democrats to pass the Dream Act….the line is drawn so hard nothing is possible as far as Republicans are concerned.
Lets get into the details now:
First: Improve visa tracking system: Let’s understand the 10-12 million estimate of undocumented aliens in the country now.. Estimates are that half of them – 5 or 6 million – entered the US legally, and overstayed their student or visitor visas. Remember all of the 9/11 terrorists got into the US legally.
The Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) has utterly failed to keep track of people who got into the country legally. If banks can track us via our debit card use, and we can be tracked by our cell phone use, then certainly the US government can come up with a way to require people with student or guest visas to report in and keep track of them.
Any immigration law reform must have provision to improve tracking and reporting of legal entrants. Also, anyone on a legal visa who is convicted of a crime other than a routine traffic offense must be subject to deportation. That includes failure to report in as would be required. This will require a visitor or Guest Worker visa card with tracking capability and verification of reporting in monthly. Thus, a scan of the card would show whether they had checked in as required.
Second: Penalties for existing illegal entrants and visa overstays: Those who entered illegally cannot be rewarded for having broken the law. Everyone seems to agree on that. To do so only invites more illegal entry. Illegal entrants should not be granted a resident or work visa unless several things happen. They include:
–admitting the crime of illegal entry
–paying a big fine at least equal to what “coyotes” charge to smuggle people into the US
–going to the end of the line for citizenship eligibility
–having to wait twice as long to gain citizenship
–background check for criminal record
–demonstrating proficiency in English
–paying all back taxes owed
Those are elements most people agree to…but still refuse to go forward with.
How about adding that in order to get on a citizenship track, someone who entered the country illegally also has to perform some amount of community service.
Third: Self-deportation option: If someone in the US is here illegally, admits their illegal entry and pays the fine, and deports themselves, they would then be eligible for legal entry and a citizenship path the same as others who enter legally. The difference (and incentive) would be they wouldn’t have to wait twice as long to gain citizenship. The other conditions and qualifications would still apply.
The problem with this is the INS processing takes so long there is no incentive to self-deport. Someone who self-deports needs to get their case resolved inside of a year.
No one with a felony conviction or a misdemeanor except routine traffic violations would be eligible in any case. The only exception would be them admitting to the crime of illegal entry, hence the fine. Note…the “crime” of illegal entry is a misdemeanor.
Fourth: Increase penalties for illegal entry and overstaying a visa: The penalties for illegal entry and overstaying a visa need to be increased. It is not even a crime to overstay a visa.
Illegal entry needs to be upgraded to a felony, as well as overstaying a visa for more than 60 days.
Fifth: Guest Worker Visa Program: We need a Guest Worker Visa Program that allows people to enter into the US and work, provided they go back home. I suggest that whatever Mexico requires for a US citizen to get a worker visa to live and work in Mexico be identical to what we require.[Note: Mexico has very difficult requirements to get a worker visa in their country so they’d probably have to change their laws to allow more Americans to live and work in Mexico.]
A Guest Worker Visa would NOT be a path to citizenship. That would require a separate application. All people applying for a Guest Worker Visa should have a criminal record background check and be subject to effective tracking as proposed in item one. This of course assumes we cn fix our visa tracking system.
Sixth: Guest Workers must pay taxes and not be eligible for welfare benefits: A person allowed into the US on a Guest Worker Visa would be required to pay all taxes. They would not be eligible for federal funded health care and other US or state taxpayer funded benefits.
Seventh: No Social Security benefits for Guest Workers: Those on a Guest Worker Visa would be subject to a payroll tax like our Social Security and Medicare systems…but these funds should be repatriated to their home country. Thus if they wanted the benefits they paid for, they need to go home. They would not be eligible for a US Social Security number, they’d have a Foreign System Benefits number and program. The cost of this would come from the deductions from their pay checks.
This item hits an interesting spot in the debate, since many illegal workers pay into our Social Security System and don’t receive benefits, which is a windfall to the US system.
Eighth: Guest Workers protected as far as labor laws are concerned: Crucial to the success of a Guest Worker Visa system is providing worker protection rights to these guest workers. The benefits US companies get by not paying fair wages to guest workers must be eliminated. The illegal worker system is a kind of slavery, where companies take advantage of the illegal status of their workers, don’t pay for overtime and such, then call in “la migra” to deport workers who complain.
We must eliminate the abilities of employers to exploit guest workers at the expense of US citizens getting the jobs.
Ninth: Guest Workers must have real job waiting: An applicant for a Guest Worker Visa must show there is a real job waiting for them, and if they leave that job, that they are gainfully employed in another job within 60 days of notice of loss of their job, or be deported.
US companies actually recruit for workers in Mexico. But we cannot keep the slavery system going where if a company lays off a guest worker then that person faces immediate deportation.
Tenth: Increase penalties for hiring undocumented aliens, give states power to enforce this: The penalty for hiring undocumented aliens needs to be greatly increased, and states be allowed to pass laws punishing licensed business that hire undocumented aliens.
Eleventh: Increase the pool of visas for Guest Workers: The pool for Guest Worker Visas needs to be bigger than currently exists, and the processing must be faster. Part of the incentive for illegal entry is it is almost impossible for a worker to get legally into the US in his or her lifetime. The cost of a faster process must be covered by the fees charged to applicants for a Guest Worker Visa.
The quota system that has been used needs to be dropped. We need as many construction workers as we need computer engineers. Do we really care whether they come from India or Mexico?
Twelfth: Change application for Citizenship: The process to apply for citizenship needs revision so that someone who really does want to join us, can. The same requirements for the Guest Worker Visa would apply such as proficiency in English and a clean criminal record. But additional requirements should be added like performing community service work.
Becoming an American is not about what color you are or what language you speak. It is about buying into our values of hard work and democracy. We were all once immigrants and our country is built on ideals and values, not race or religion or nationality.
When immigrants come to America to share in our freedom and opportunity, they choose a path to be one of us.
We should figure out a way so they can prove that commitment.
Thirteenth: Grant states and local governments defined immigration enforcement authority: The SB 1070 mess needs to be resolved. Certainly standards and guidelines can be passed and adopted by Congress that allow states and local law enforcement to enforce immigration laws without getting into issues like racial profiling. There has already been a program in effect where Customs and Border Protection assist local law enforcement and delegate some authority to them.
Fourteenth: define what a “secure border” means and then do it: There is no appetite to pursue immigration law reform as long as we cannot agree whether or our border is actually secure.
Many fear legitimately that if immigration law reform goes forward before the border is secure, we will have another flood of illegal immigrants.
However, since no one can agree on what a “secure border” means there is obviously no way to then pursue immigration law reform. A “catch 22″.
We need an agreed upon definition of what a “secure border” means.
It obviously is not measured by how many Border Patrol agents there are on the payroll, as Department of Homeland Security claims.
As long as there are still gaps in the border where people and drugs can cross without an immediate (within 5 minutes) response from the Border Patrol or local law enforcement, the border is not secure.
In order to avoid a flood of illegal immigrants, the first step may be to raise the criminal penalities for illegal entry effective on a specific date like right now, and anyone who crosses after that date or overstays a visa will not be able to avail themselves of any provisions of the revised immigration laws.
[Note: Holub served as City Attorney for Nogales 1997-2000, He also represented applicants for legal status in the 1980’s legalization program. He lives 20 miles from the border.]
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May 10th, 2010 on 7:26 am
We’re not going to deport 10-12 million people
==============================
We can, and we should. If they cannot get jobs, they will self deport. If we put the E Verify up, they won’t get jobs. If we have the Biometric Identification, most of the illegal aliens in this country won’t be able to present fake Birth Certificates, and they won’t be allowed to have the I.D. No identification… no job.
We can deport 10 to 30 million illegal aliens, and we should. As it stands now, we don’t have tax information on so very many of them, and we don’t know anything about them. Further, in the past, Mexico refused to supply information on their citizens, and they are going to do that again. We probably won’t ever get the information on the illegal aliens until they are in Mexico and request the information be supplied to the U.S. Government.
Add this: there is no way… NO WAY, you can get an apartment in this country without an identification, and a social security number, OR, good immigration papers. A whole lot of those illegal aliens are right there in those apartments in front of the computer protesting the mere idea of the laws of the land. And those identifications can be used to harm a citizen, and run to Mexico where dual citizenship allows them to return without issue.
Mexico changed their laws to provide dual citizenship to their citizens in the United States. With those fake I.D.s, the dual citizenship opens the way to harm U.S. Citizens if the the illegal aliens so choose.
Finally, at this point more and more states are joining the effort to put the Arizona Law up as their own. It is a mirror of the U.S. Law, and it is battle tested in front of the Supreme Court. An EXCELLENT law, and that will enable interior Immigration Enforcement that has been totally lacking for over 20 years.
Oh yes… we can deport all of the possibly 30 million illegal aliens in this country, and we should. And please.. don’t forget this item:
Cost of deporting… $94 billion.
http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/09/13/estimate-for-deporting-illegal-immigrants-94-billion/
Cost of amnesty for illegal aliens… 2.6 trillion.
http://www.heritage.org/research/immigration/wm1490.cfm
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And don’t forget this item either!
A petition for the support of Jan Brewer
http://www.janbrewer.com/
May 10th, 2010 on 7:57 am
STOP THE INVASION
In the last 23 years, since the 1986, Reagan, one-time amnesty,
over 27 million illegals have been apprehended,
as they crossed the border into our United States.
UNITED STATES BORDER APPREHENSIONS
(Source DHS/CBP)
1987–1,190,488——1995–1,394,554——2003—-931,557
1988–1,008,145——1996–1,649,986——2004–1,160,395
1989—-954,243——1997–1,412,953——2005–1,189,075
1990–1,169,939——1998–1,555,776——2006–1,089,902
1991–1,197,875——1999–1,579,010——2007—-876,704
1992–1,258,482——2000–1,676,438——2008—-723,825
1993–1,327,259——2001–1,266,213——2009—-556,041
1994–1,094,717——2002—-955,310——2010—-beg. 10/01/09
UNFORTUNATELY, far less than half of illegals are apprehended at the border.
May 10th, 2010 on 7:59 am
Why are we continuing to contend with this invasion??
MAKE ILLEGAL ENTRY A FELONY
MANDATE E-VERIFY FOR ALL EMPLOYERS, AMD ALL EMPLOYEES
END BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP FOR ILLEGALS
BUILD MORE FENCE
IT’S WORKING!!
Such a paltry amount of fence, but this rather small amount of fence
helped immensely in slowing down the invasion by illegals..
We just need a lot more of it!
The Pedestrian Fence (P.F.) and Vehicle Barrier (V.B.) miles, (11/01/2009)
(Source DHS/CBP)
Apprehensions–2005—2009-BORDER -P.F.-V.B.-REDUCTION
Yuma—————-138,492—-6,951—-118—–62.8—43.6——95%
El Paso—————122,624–14,999—-210—–63.7–101.2——88%
Del Rio —————-68,547–17,082—-268——3.4—–0.0——75%
Rio Grande Valley -134,136—60,989—-316—–45.3—–0.0——55%
Laredo —————-75,268—40,569—-171——1.2—–0.2——46%
Tucson ————–439,053–241,673—-262—–71.3–138.9—–45%
El Centro————–55,725—33,521— –71—–44.0—-14.2—–40%
Marfa ——————10,532—-6,360—-510——-4.6—–0.0—–40%
San Diego————126,879-118,721—–66——46.2—–0.4——6%
Apprehensions—-1,171,386-540,865–1992—342.4–298.5—–54%
May 10th, 2010 on 8:02 am
Tucson Border Patrol Sector Monthly Apprehensions Of Illegals—Length 262 miles
———-OCT—NOV—DEC—JAN—-FEB—MAR—APR—MAY—JUN—-JUL—AUG—SEP
FY2010-23211-16999-10922-16096-21223-31203
FY2009-18814-12845–9862-18649-20943-31433-28072-24084-20822-20144-20805-15178
FY2008-21725-18232-11722-26348-34297-45222-45436-32851-24290-21074-18404-18044
FY2007-25135-21323-16136-29459-34148-52692-49044-41789-34103-30373-24388-19649
FY2006-27316-24270-16447-33229-43153-63583-51588-40190-25049-21187-23256-22806
Over 40% of the drugs come across in the Tucson Sector
UNITED STATES BORDER DRUG INTERCEPTS
(Source DHS/CBP)
FYEAR—MARIJUANA (lbs)—COCAINE(lbs)—HEROIN(oz)—METH(lbs)
1999——-1,170,941————29,672————-771————-xxx
2000——-1,316,849————23,203———–1,209————-18
2001——-1,166,764————18,535———–1,491————144
2002——-1,234,329————14,334———–2,516————229
2003——-1,350,809————14,892———–3,852————356
2004——-1,347,356————14,819———–2,316————977
2005——-1,208,663————11,903———–3,206————728
2006——-1,369,602————12,885———–2,758————594
2007——-1,859,299————14,242———–1,866————342
2008——-1,642,420————-9,272————–735———– 483
2009——-2,591,215————10,907———–3,056————951
2010*——1,358,654————-5,624———–2,089————557
*FY2010 stats as of 4/1/10 (6 months)
May 10th, 2010 on 8:28 am
I worked the border in Nogales and the drugs seized are only 5% of what is smuggled. Nobody ever wants to acknowledge that.
May 10th, 2010 on 8:12 am
The first and foremost effort against “Illegal Entrants” and “Illegal Immigrants” is to enforce our laws! The Executive Branch of our government is entrusted to enforce our laws. The have failed miserably!!! We need to vote the bums out and get responsible people in! Obama is not one to be trusted in my humble opinion.
All other activities are secondary!
May 10th, 2010 on 8:14 am
I THINK HUGH HOLUB SHOULD RUN FOR PRESIDENT. BRAVO——THERE REALLY IS SOMEONE WHO SEES THE PROBLEM FOR WHAT IT IS!
May 10th, 2010 on 11:28 am
President of what? Mexico?
May 10th, 2010 on 8:20 am
I see the Tucson is still hell bent on giving amnesty to all the law breakers from Mexico.
May 10th, 2010 on 8:31 am
Presidents Bush expanded the border security with real and virtual fences. Did it help? I think it did. Has the Obama administration cut funding for border security? Can we secure every foot of the border? Have the numbers of illegals entering the US gone up in the last two years? Is it actually possible to stop all illegal entries from Mexico?
If we had a worker visa program and Mexican workers paid taxes, it would be a big help to the Arizona state revenues. And 12 million new payers of Social Security taxes would be a life-saver for Social Security. John McCain was pushing for a worker visa program. What’s he for now?
May 10th, 2010 on 9:00 am
How do you think this would be a blessing in any way for our Social Security program? How is it a blessing when it has been shown time and time again that minimum wage workers get more back in benefits than they pay in? If you cut out all the freebies to illegals and their children and funnelled that money into Social Security we would be much better off.
May 10th, 2010 on 11:33 am
How about if we enforce our laws about hiring illegals and put Americans to work. Will it cost more? Yes, but not much and certainly no where near what the taxpayers shell out for the illegals and their families. Your economics make no sense.
Employers just want cheap labor to increase their profits while the rest of us pay for their health care, kids’ education, any incarceration, food stamps, section 8 housing, and welfare for US born children. Why should we be subsidizing employers?
May 10th, 2010 on 8:37 am
Where to begin. ICE only enforces the law based upon the resources Congress gives it and the instructions received from DHS. If they aren’t adequately funded or told NOT to pursue enforcement, it won’t get done. The mere fact that people who come here illegally or stay illegally will be allowed to stay, in any capacity, is a reward. Most could care less about a path to citizenship as long as they can get the economic benefits provided by living in the US. Any guest worker or other program to bring foreigners into the US will be a joke, unless it is strictly enforced if the rules aren’t followed. If history is any indication, such a program will be abused as much as any that has come before.
May 10th, 2010 on 8:56 am
Hugh
You mentioned in point three that all with a felony and non-traffic stop misdemeanor would be deported. Hello anyone home there??????? Being in this country illegally already is a misdemeanor so everyone of them should be deported.
Your ridiculous Nancy Pelosi mirror claim that 12 million can’t be deported is a bunch of BS. You just like all the immigration reform advocates do not mention how to stop the next wave of illegal invaders from coming over. You might as well have put viva la raza at the end of your opinion page. What a joke.
1. Secure the borders
2. Use SB1070 as a tool to help the feds get rid of the illegals.
3. Raise the fines on employers, make it a felony and $1000 automatic fine for every illegal found working at their business.
4. Second offense; loss of business. Business to be offered at discount to legal workers within the company. If none then sold to highest bidder to pay off deportation costs.
5. All illegals that self deport will not be fined or processed as criminals. Those that are caught and request immediate deportation will be able to take all personal possesions. Those that want to fight deportaton will have all possesions seized and upon deportation, those possesions will be sold to pay for deportation costs.
6. Use e-verify at hospitals if a person does not have a ssn. Hospitals would be required to notify law enforcement just like in gun shot and stabbing victim cases.
7. I agree that there does need to be a card that can be tracked by the Dept of Homeland Security, so that violators can be rounded up and deported too.
The last point in the opinion column stated that their were pictures of sons and daughters of mexican immigrants all over the city. The writer through his political correctness or by convienent ommission did not say whether those immigrant parents were legal or illegal. The point is one should not benefit from a crime. Just because you were able to sneak across the border and have your baby in an American hospital does not give anyone the right to expect to get to jump to the front of the immigration line or preferential treatment. In my 20 plus years serving in the military I had many soldiers that came from foreign countries and decided to serve in the Armed Forces. I had a Lt from Nicaragua, a Specialist from Cuba, a few more from Vietnam and Laos. The difference is they or their parents came to the United States legally. The author makes it sound like these service members are giving extra of themselves which is a false statement. If there was a draft, all of those children of illegals that were born here, would be subject to being called up.
May 10th, 2010 on 8:57 am
Okay lets say you could use the Arizona law enforcement officers to play Tom and Jerry , catch me deport me and I’ll return. There is State tax money that your going to have to use to incarcerate half a million undocumented people, the cost for your state couldn’t handle the burden. There is no way your going to incarcerate 12 million undocumented workers in the US. The state of New Mexico has closed down several of their prison because they simply do not have the budget to operate them, they are releasing full blown criminals due to this fact. The El Paso County has build a multi million ICE prison which carries the burden of holding un documented workers which the federal government pays for. Plus Mexican Calderon our allie is probably going to have a hard time getting re elected which is going to make the crime in Mexico worst as our government has pledge millions of dollars to fight crime there. This law in Arizona will not work, it will weaken the Arizona economy and slow down recovery. Legalize these people and put them on a probationary period where they can’t get any government hand outs, get them out of the shadows and let them contribute as a good citizen.
May 10th, 2010 on 1:59 pm
Yea right Al
Like most f them want to be citizens in the first place. I guarantee that if you took away the ability to get freedbies like foodstamp and WIC and free health care that many wouldn’t even be here. If you take away the jobs most of the rest will leave. The only ones left will be the hard core criminals that everyone should want arrested or dead.
You say put them on a probationary program? Sure like that will work. First thing that has to happen is to secure the border. No more free entry into this country. Bleeding hearts make that sound cruel and mean but it isn’t it is the smartest thing to do and in line with every other country in the wrld. Does Mexico have open borders? Yea but only if you are going north. As for Calderon. He is only an ally as long as we give his country money. That is all he cares about. Do you really think he gives a crap if more than 2000 Americans a year are killed by illegals driving dui and or without a license? Do you think he cares that illegals commit over 2000 sex offenses a year against American citizens? Do you think he cares that illegals are the main gang problem in Los Angeles and that thousands fill our prisons everyday?
Get a grip on reality. If you pass amnesty for them, more will come. So when do we stop? I agree that just deporting them is not the smartest thing to do. The first thing is to secure the border. If President Obama can get a bill passed that requires the hiring of 19,000 additional IRS Agents then with a little effort they can hire more agents for the Border. New York police department has more officers than the Border Patrol does. There is something wrong with that concept.
May 10th, 2010 on 9:01 am
There may be a soul in there somewhere, after all!
What’s up or down? When the world is round!Right or Left neither is best.To find your way you cannot stray.Black or White? A large part Gray.We’ll never know, it’s why we pray. Spend and spend there is an End.Debate and weigh, who’ll rule the day?Black or White, what’s really right?It’s been a nice distraction quite a lot of action.But what really begin to kill ya, is when the Sun begins to peel ya.When time runs out don’t look about,you should have knew what to do.Ignored the signs, life out of rhyme.Yellow’s White and Blue is Gray,Even this will fade awayThe world is you this much is true.Hear no cries, and no one dies.Hear the world scream it’s all a bad dream.So paint the sky with all the lies.I’ll fear the worst and not the best,We leave our garbage for the rest. So kiss our babies and hold them tight, andLove our children with all our might.Sing to them joy in a song,The future world will teach them wrong.You at last will get them by. What is it that you wish to say?Words of anger carry away.Ask yourself is this G-d’s plan?Should we destroy our fellow man?Or is this the fault of some greedy plan.I know there are some who do not believe.Half truths are spoken we’ve been deceived.But Mother Nature tells no lies,Father Time is all goodbyes.So as we walk a lonely path,Know that this time may be our last.But don’t go softly within the night,Be prepared to fight a good fight.Deceive yourself, you lie to all,Admit no wrong you’re bound to fall.Kill another, you kill us all,Love another you lift us tall.This is a prayer my G-d will hear,And what is evil I’ll never fear.So gather together you earthly saints,Sinners too! Our G-d awaits.But for those of you who cannot believe
Be pure of heart, you’ll be perceived.So live and die with every breathHave no fear take no rest.Heed your heart, find your soul.Divine Will requires self control.With this I’ll say my last goodbyes,Peace to all.It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhoodA wonderful day for feeling good
May 10th, 2010 on 11:25 am
Where is the evidence that we need to import workers? Or is all you have the whining of those who want to exploit cheap labor rather than pay US wages? Until we enforce our immigration laws and have a competitive labor market sans illegals, we won’t know if we have a real labor shortage or not. Are there some occupations where we have shortages, sure, but it’s not in construction or other unskilled jobs. The “shortage” is based on cost, not skills. This is true even in a large part of the H-1B program for skilled workers – foreigners work cheaper than Americans.
I’m all for importing whatever skills we need but not simply because foreign workers are cheaper. The purpose of US immigration policy should be the best interests of the citizens, not that some other nation has a problem caring for its people.
You want to see how badly we need foreign workers, try this. Allow employers to hire whoever they want from wherever they want. BUT while the workers are here they have to pay all the social costs of the worker and his family, including US born children. This includes all health care costs, tuition for schools, costs of incarceration if necessary. Not one dime of taxpayer money should be used to care for this cheaper labor on which employers make excess profits. See how fast employer can figure out they can afford to pay US legal workers a decent wage.
May 10th, 2010 on 2:04 pm
blanca
You are exactly right. If we put that burden on employers most would not even try to import workers. I think the same should be done in the entire job market. I think that employers should have to post all open positions for 90 days for all legal citizens to see. They should also have to fully explain why a legal applicant is turned down before being allowed to bring in anyone from another country.
May 13th, 2010 on 12:41 pm
MOVING TO MEXICO
Dear President Obama:
I’m planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We’re planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico , and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements. We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I’m on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. Please print all Mexican Government forms in English.
4. I want my grand-kids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grand-kids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
7. Please plan to feed my grand-kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but I don’t plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won’t make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my housetop, put U S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.
14. I want to receive free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I’ll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I’ll need income tax credits so that although I don’t pay Mexican taxes, I’ll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $4,500.00 to help me buy a new car.
18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I’ll get a monthly income in retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won’t mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
Thank you so much for your kind help.
May 13th, 2010 on 12:42 pm
Your friendly neighborhood bank, can I help you?
Customer: Yes, I want to cancel my account. I don’t want to do business
with you any longer.
The Bank: Why?
Customer: You’re giving credit to illegal immigrants and I don’t think
it’s right. I’m taking my business elsewhere.
The Bank: Well, Mr. Customer, we don’t want to see you do that, but we
can’tstop you. I’ll help you close the account. What is your account number?
Customer: (gives account number)
The Bank: For security purposes and for your protection, can you please
give me the last four digits of your social security number?
Customer: No?
The Bank: Mr. Customer, I need to verify your information, but in order
to helpyou, I’ll need verification of who you are..
Customer: Why should I give you my social security number? The reason
I’m closing my account is that your bank is issuing credit cards to illegal
immigrants who don’t have social security numbers. You are targeting that audience and
want their business. Let’s say I’m an illegal immigrant and you’ve given me a
credit card. I have a question about it and call for assistance. You wouldn’t
be asking me for a Social Security number, would you?
The Bank: No sir, I wouldn’t.
Customer: Why not?
The Bank: Because you would have pressed ’2′ to speak in Spanish. We
don’t ask for that information when calling in on the Spanish line.