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Humor by Argus Hamilton

THE WORLD Health Organization said tobacco could kill a billion people by century’s end if governments don’t adopt anti-smoking policies. They should make up their minds. Either they think overpopulation is a problem or they don’t.

DICK CHENEY and John McCain spoke to the conservative conference in Washington last week. There was a lot of bad blood. Sen. McCain had just said he wants to keep troops in Iraq for 100 years and the vice president took him to the woodshed for setting timetables.

JOHN McCAIN aired new ads touting his national security platform. Others talk about the U.S. economy, and his ads promise to continue the war. Nothing’s scarier than a 72-year-old man who’s willing to die for his country.

MITT ROMNEY quit the GOP race after he spent $40 million of his own money. He should thank his lucky stars. It kept that $40 million out of the stock market and out of real estate, so he wound up way ahead.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@ argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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