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Humor by Argus Hamilton

THE JERUSALEM Post reported President Bush wants to attack Iran. Iran is three times the size of Iraq, its nuclear facilities are underground beneath thick concrete and the population is heavily pro-American. You thought nothing could make the Iraq policy look good.

PRESIDENT BUSH revealed he’s given up golf out of respect for families who have lost loved ones in Iraq. It’s a wise move. He doesn’t want the families to see how fast he can get out of a sand trap when Dick Cheney’s not making the decisions.

THE LABOR Department said thousands of illegal immigrants are returning to Mexico due to the construction slump. Not everyone’s happy. With Mexicans going home and Charlton Heston gone it’s practically impossible to get your ceiling painted.

HILLARY CLINTON is begging superdelegates for their votes. They are elected officials and party elders who are given enough convention votes to overturn an elected nominee. Years ago a group of well-connected politicians would determine the nominee in a smoke-filled room. Today there’s no smoking.

THE CANNES Film Festival is held this week on France’s Mediterranean coast. They are screening the year’s upcoming movies. For two weeks a year, this seaside resort becomes the world capital of greed, vanity and ego. Then it returns to Los Angeles.

“INDIANA JONES and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is doing well. Steven Spielberg still has the touch. Once he had a kidney stone removed and it made $60 million its first week out.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.coArgus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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