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Teen Critic: Latest ‘Mummy’ lacks coherency, fun

Beth May, 16, Ironwood Ridge High School

Beth May, 16, Ironwood Ridge High School

After seven long years the “Mummy” saga has once again been raised from the dead, but in this case, sometimes dead is better.

Fresh off a “Journey to the Center of the Earth” is Brendan Fraser, reprising his role as Rick O’Connell, the archaeological wonder boy.

Lured out of retirement by an intriguing proposition, O’Connell and his wife unwittingly awaken the wrath of a 2,000 year-old emperor on the hunt for eternal life, and his army of 10,000 men. Here we go again.

For the third installment, “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor,” the rolling dunes of Egypt have been replaced with the frigid Himalayan Mountains of China. But that’s not the only thing being replaced.

Maria Bello and Luke Ford have claimed the roles of Evelyn and Alex O’Connell (roles previously held by Rachel Weisz and Freddie Boath). Bello sports about the worst English accent of recent memory, and Ford sports the worst American accent.

Also conspicuously absent is the coherency and fun of the first two films.

The film literally plays like the writers (Alfred Gough and Miles Millar) just made it up as they went along, adding last-minute “rules” like the emperor only getting immortality until after he’s passed the Great Wall, or that it’s normal for one to speak “Yeti.”

“The Mummy” and “The Mummy Returns” were campy, not asking much of their audience, and leaving room for a laugh or two. This Mummy 3, however, tosses its audience a never-ending stream of bad gags and one-liners, and then expects people to be emotionally engaged when something actually serious happens without so much as a transition in between.

The producers are considering adding a fourth movie to the saga, but I’d recommend letting the series rest in peace for at least 2,000 years. In the meantime, we can all see “The Dark Knight” again.

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