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Olivas: New calendar pinups sinfully sexy

Some wall calendars can be so boring. Baby animals? Yawn. Nature scenes? Dull. Sports teams? No good unless they have a winning season. Corporate calendars? Zzzzzzzzzz.

Realizing that the market is ripe for exploitation, some companies are shaking things up by offering calendars featuring nontraditional pinups. The latest batch of models? Sexy priests, frolicking nuns, hot Mormons and hunky morticians.

Holy hunks

Intended to promote tourism in Vatican City, “Calendario Romano” features 12 handsome priests or seminarians striking poses in and around the ornate area that houses Pope Benedict XVI. Ladies (and a few gentlemen, too) will appreciate the beauty of the European men, who I’m sure have elicited some impure thoughts from usually well-behaved, good Catholics.

As my mom used to say when she got flustered and crossed herself, “Ave Maria Purisima!”

If churches had priests who looked like these, Sunday attendance would reach record levels. Heck, some parishioners might even sin on purpose just to get a few quality moments with the cute clergyman in the confessional.

Just ask LizzyG1978, who posted this comment about the calendar’s YouTube clip:

“I’d confess 10 times a day with these little priests, and I would gladly do my penance!! . . . Don’t tempt me, Satan, because these are forbidden men!!! hahahaha.”

Another woman adds, “What makes them even more beautiful is they have devoted their lives to God.”

Amen, sister, amen.

A used 2008 Calendario Romano is available for $6.99 on Amazon.com.

Nuns gone wild?

If you thought the boisterous behavior of the nuns in “Sister Act” was refreshing, then “A Year of Bad Habits” is the calendar for you.

The product description promises innocent enjoyment: “Nuns behaving badly? Well, not necessarily? . . . but they’re definitely having fun! “A Year of Bad Habits” presents a glimpse of what happens when holy sisters raise a little hell. Vintage photos are paired with hilarious captions that will have you laughing so hard you’ll get a ruler rap across the knuckles. . .”

Most nuns aren’t the mean, cold fish they’re made out to be in movies. They usually have a good sense of humor and don’t take themselves too seriously.

The photos show the silly sisters flying high in a Dumbo amusement ride and knocking one another around in bumper cars – among other activities.

A 2009 edition retails for $12.99 on calendars.com.

Men on a mission

Shirtless Mormons? Oh my god! What is this world coming to?

Entrepreneur Chad Hardy created a controversial calendar, “Men on a Mission,” showcasing 12 young Mormon hotties who had completed their religious service trips for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Some of the men pose without shirts, others are in traditional missionary garb.

Hardy, who in July was ex-communicated from the church over the calendar, says his intent was never to disrespect the church.

“The project is about stepping outside the stereotypes and stepping outside of the image,” Hardy told The Associated Press. “Not everybody fits the image and I let them (church elders) know we’re not trying to portray an image for the entire church.”

Church members appear divided on the issue.

On Amazon.com, customer Jason “JDawg” of Provo, Utah, writes: “This calander (sic) is representing returned LDS missionaries. It’s not of them currently serving. It’s their own choice to pose and I think it’s great! Mormons are sexy! We can be conservative and modest as usual, but sometimes we just need to flaunt it! Great job! Love the calander (sic)!

But another Amazon customer, Trevor Cook of Los Angeles, disagrees. “This product is completely inappropriate. It lacks modesty. It’s too bad I had to give this item even one star in the rating scale. There should be an option for a black hole rating scale because this item is detracting from all that is good in this world.”

You can order the calendar for $14.99 from www.mormonsexposed.com and form your own opinion.

Manly morticians

Morticians are a naughty bunch – if the menofmortuaries.com Web site is any indication. “These are just some of the few things that we do with our suits off …” teases a promo for the “Men of Mortuaries” 2008 calendar.

With a theme of “celebrating life,” the calendar spotlights drop-dead gorgeous funeral directors and morticians from across the country in various shirtless poses. These are no working stiffs (Sorry, I couldn’t resist).

It’s all in good fun. Proceeds benefit KAMM Cares, a nonprofit organization that helps breast cancer patients.

For only $3.95, you can have your own copy. Go to www.menofmortuaries.com.

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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