Tucson CitizenTucson Citizen

Ryn: I wonder if they’re hiring in Madagascar

Panic, desperation, anger, self-pity: Looking for work wears you down

Portrait of the artist as unemployed

Portrait of the artist as unemployed

Job hunting has always been a full-time endeavor. In this fine economy, the hunt entails double time, triple time and often being on call like a doctor.

Is anyone hiring doctors?

With the Tucson Citizen going under and the rest of the country following suit, I am not alone trying to find a new job.

More than 15,700 folks across metro Tucson and 116,500 across the state have been laid off since the end of 2007, with more surely on the way.

As I am not alone in my hunt, I am also not alone in the way the job hunting process unfolds.

It starts with panic. We e-mail everyone we know, from each boss we ever had to our kindergarten teacher.

We even include that dude from 21 years ago who eventually joined us after we ran away to New York, since he recently found us on Facebook.

No matter that he’s back living with his parents in Michigan and, if we recall correctly, used to keep moldy green pizza under his bed.

“Hey buddy,” we e-mail, “you got a job for me?” Perhaps he can pay us to regularly clean beneath his bed.

The hunt moves to desperation. We scramble to all the job sites and blanket the Earth with our résumés.

We apply for each position we come across, regardless of pay, hours, location or even working conditions.

“Perhaps it might be cool to be a corrections officer,” we think. “Maybe I am cut out for Border Patrol.”

This stage includes a lot of typos, weeping and often sending out wrong versions of our résumé, like the one that hasn’t been updated since we were a salad bar girl at Bonanza.

We also apply for stuff for which we aren’t even qualified. Who cares if our only medical experience was dissecting a frog in high school? We apply for that surgeon job in the Virgin Islands.

Then we get mad. “Heck with you if you don’t want to hire me to clean beneath your bed,” we write to the Michigan pizza man. “You don’t know what you’re missing. I’m the best dang moldy green pizza cleaner in town.”

After we completely sever any contacts that may have helped and torch bridges we haven’t even crossed yet, our anger morphs into self-pity.

“Woe is me,” we lament. “No one wants to hire me.”

Here come thoughts of being worthless, unemployable and destined to live in the Rillito riverbed, like that guy who eats graham crackers for dinner at his camp beneath a tree.

To offset this pity, we vow to be constructive.

So we go get drunk. If we happen not to drink, we can always escape through meditation, long walks around the guy’s riverbed camp and frequent, lengthy naps. My nap record was eight hours the other Sunday.

Once we sober up or wake up, we begin our stint of wild dreaming.

Here’s where we shoot off résumés to Hawaii, Australia and Paris. Costa Rica, Madagascar, Rome. It doesn’t really matter what types of jobs are open in these places; we just know they will take us far away.

As we check for phone messages every half-hour, our e-mails every five minutes and our Facebook every three seconds to see if anyone posted a job opening on our wall, we slowly sink into surrender.

“No one is hiring,” we say. Or at least not for jobs that would tickle our fancies.

Thus the fun begins. We get innovative. Recalling how we once traded artwork for a sandwich during our early New York days, we break out the paints.

We gather up our markers and hook up a sign that says: “Will create for food.”

We dig out our tattoo guns, dust off our flute and research how to start a business selling wacky yard art. We practice haircuts and pedicures on our dog.

We still may not have found a job or even been offered a sandwich, but at least the dog looks cool with a Mohawk.

And if anyone needs a haircut, tattoo or wacky yard art, you just may find me working as a surgeon in the Virgin Islands.

Ryn Gargulinski is an artist, poet and Tucson Citizen reporter who nearly showed up for corrections officer training a few weeks back. Listen to a preview of her column at 8:10 a.m. Thursdays on KLPX 96.1 FM.

E-mail comments and job leads to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com




% of Weekly living

City benefit costs

1. Pittsburgh $539 46.9%

2. Charlotte, NC $457 38.3%

3. Raleigh, NC 4457 35.6%

3. Boston $606 35.6%

5. Philadelphia $539 34.9%

6. Providence, RI $531 34.4%

7. Salt Lake City $427 34.3%

8. San Antonio, TX $378 33.9%

9. Seattle $515 33.7%

10. Houston $378 33.2%


% of Weekly living

City benefit costs

1. New York City $405 17.2%

2. Miami $275 18.5%

3. Phoenix $240 18.7%

4. San Francisco $450 20.6%

5. Washington, DC $359 20.7%

6. Orlando, FL $275 21.4%

7. Tampa, FL $275 22.0%

8. Kansas City, MO $280 23.1%

9. Nashville, TN $275 23.5%

10. Los Angeles $450 23.8%

Source: Los Angeles Times 2008

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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