This week’s question: If you made a movie about the closing of the Tucson Citizen, who would play the villainous corporate suit delivering the bad news and whom would you cast as the tortured heroine fighting to save the newspaper? What would you title the film?
Book reviewer Larry Cox
Casting the villainous corporate suit would be a no-brainer. I would bring Dick Cheney out of retirement and cast him to portray the role he was born to play, that of a heartless, ruthless, evil scoundrel. Liza Minnelli would be cast as Cynthia Citizen, the poor-but-honest reporter, who fights to save the paper against incredible odds. Her showstopping all-singing, all-tapping finale would be an uptempo arrangement of “There’s Got to be a Morning After,” originally heard in “The Poseidon Adventure,” a film about yet another tragic disaster. It would be filmed in a new cutting-edge process: Greed-O-Vision and it would be titled “Death by a Thousand Cuts.”
Events coordinator Elsa Nidia Barrett
The perfect heroine for my movie, “Al Diablo con el Citizen!” is the new Madame President on the hit television show “24,” Cherry Jones. The intense actress would give true justice to the role of our current editor in charge, a tough cookie who’s under a tremendous amount of emotional strain, but keeps fighting. As for the heartless corporate suit, I’m choosing Ted Danson, for his vicious character of billionaire CEO Arthur Frobisher on “Damages.” I know, I know, I watch too much TV, and come March 21, not even Hiro Nakamura (“Heroes”) can save the day.
Metromix editor Polly Higgins
I can’t think of much that’s scarier than a) losing your job in a bad economy or b) ZOMBIES. So, my zombie movie, “Dawn of the Deadline,” will star Bruce Campbell (all great villains are charming, right?) as the zombie who tries to undead the newsroom. Struggling to save as many of her co-workers as possible from this flesh-ripping, brain-munching blight is that plucky Parker Posey.
Features writer Gabrielle Fimbres
Al Pacino, whom I love, can be pretty heartless, so he could make an outstanding evil corporate suit. Glenn Close in her “Jagged Edge” days would star as the heroine in my film. The title: “The Devil in a Blue Suit” or “Journalism’s Last Stand.”
Features editor Teresa Truelsen
For the villainous corporate suit, Alec Baldwin in his “Glengarry Glen Ross” persona. And for the tortured heroine, Geena Davis. A delicious twist, since the two of them played husband and wife in BeetleJuice. The title? “Futility.”
Calendar editor Rogelio Yubeta Olivas
Someone who’s brassy and bold needs to play the editor-heroine, because she’s tough and doesn’t take any poop from anyone. Academy Award winner Cher would be perfect. The ruthless corporate suit would be played by disgraced financier Bernard L. Madoff. In the movie he would swing by the newsroom on his way to a ritzy pro-am golf tournament. He’d be wearing his plaid golf knickers, and his ankle bracelet would be in full view. He’d also have his golf clubs in tow, including his favorite one emblazoned with the name “Rosebud.” Naturally, the movie would be called “Citizen Pain.”
Arts writer Chuck Graham
The villain would have to be played by Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) in the “Saw” series who mercilessly tortures all his victims for inhumanely long periods of time before finally putting them to death. The tortured heroine would be played by Rose McGowan in her “Planet Terror” guise as Cherry the go-go slinky pole dancer who uses an M4 assault rifle for a prosthetic leg. She wouldn’t be tortured for long.
NEXT WEEK’S QUESTION
If you could dedicate a song to the Tucson Citizen before it closes March 21, what would it be and why?
> Readers, we’d love for you to play along. Please e-mail your response by noon Monday to firstname.lastname@example.org (email@example.com). Please include your name, age, occupation and phone number.