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Humor by Argus Hamilton: A con man’s mark

The Treasury Department began examining the financial assets of Bernie Madoff’s wife, Ruth. She has jewelry, yachts, a Palm Beach mansion and $50 million in municipal bonds. She’s an ideal mark for a con man, but we knew that already.

President Obama vowed to go after AIG traders who got bonuses. He wants to ruin them. If they spend the $165 million, they could stimulate the economy and get us out of this crisis before Obama has time to pass his health care plan.

The Boston Tea Party Society called upon Americans to send tea bags to Congress to protest huge spending and higher taxes. Be sure and send decaffeinated tea bags. Every time Congress stays up past midnight they vote themselves a pay raise.

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke (right) sounded cautious about the economy. He could be forced to call out the military. After he fixes the banks, he’s got to bring in a few drunken sailors to coach the American consumers back to their old spending habits.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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