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Humor by Arhus Hamilton: Immigrants just passing through

Rep. Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the House, gave a speech in support of illegal immigrants in a San Francisco church. It was nice of the church to hide them. They’re looking for jobs and they were stopping off in America for the night on their way to Canada.

The White House asked the networks to televise a series of fireside chats with President Obama this spring. He wants it both ways: to be on prime time every week without the brutal rehearsal necessary to be on “Dancing with the Stars.”

Bernard Madoff faces 150 years in prison after the financier pleading guilty to stock fraud. Prison has its advantages. There’s no rent, the food’s free and you don’t have to get up in the middle of the night to see if the door is locked.

President Obama compared Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner to Alexander Hamilton. Obama often compares himself to Lincoln. If he doesn’t stop talking about great men who died by gunshot, the Secret Service is going to arrest him as a threat to the president.

Abe Lincoln (right) was honored by the U.S. Mint with four new penny designs that depict events in his life. His legacy is twofold. His life put an end to owning slaves in America and his death put an end to heckling actors from the balcony.

“America’s Next Top Model” was holding open auditions when tens of thousands of models stampeded on the street outside the studio in Manhattan. It was a sign of the economy. Every woman who hasn’t eaten in three weeks now thinks she is a model.

President Obama appeared on Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show” Thursday while he was in Los Angeles. It’s a good idea. Obama wants to try out some new policy ideas and this way he can find out if they get laughs before he springs them on Wall Street.

West Virginia is designated the unhappiest state by the Gallup Poll. Kentucky, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee and Oklahoma follow. Can you blame them? Every day you turn on the television, it’s another worshipful story about Abe Lincoln.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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