Tucson CitizenTucson Citizen

Humor by Argus Hamilton

PRESIDENT OBAMA proposed a cap on executive salaries in all publicly traded corporations in the U.S. This idea will never make it through Congress. All the executives have to do is tell Rep. Barney Frank that they won’t be able to afford to make campaign contributions and the salary cap will die in committee.

DISNEYLAND this week premières the new It’s a Small World ride in southern California after two years of renovations. The operators do a great job of keeping the theme park up-to-date. Tomorrowland is now a scale model of Mexico City.

THE TRANSITION flying car was successfully tested in New York. It’s got wings that fold down from the vehicle’s sides and it takes flight at 100 mph. The FBI now has to spot terrorists when they enroll in traffic school.

MAJOR LEAGUE umps started a training camp to teach U.S. Marines who’ve just returned from Iraq how to umpire ballgames. It’s a crash course. It’s the first sign that the ballplayers aren’t giving up steroids when we have to bring in the Marines to keep sectarian violence from breaking out between the Yankees and Red Sox.

“DUPLICITY” starring Clive Owen and Julia Roberts (below) opened huge. They play secret agents who swindle two corporations out of billions. In the original script, they swindled evil oil sheiks, but the test audiences weren’t mad enough at them.

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

Search site | Terms of service