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Humor by Argus Hamilton: Dick Cheney goes hunting

Hillary Clinton rushed to Mexico City to meet with Mexico’s president about drug violence on the border. Cocaine is like any Latin American presidency. It gives you the sensation of absolute power, but only for 15 minutes.

Congress held hearings on Capitol Hill about the AIG bailout as lawmakers took turns blasting the bailout and the bonuses. No one’s ever seen the public so angry at Wall Street. Things are so bad Dick Cheney just took his stockbroker hunting.

New Yorker magazine’s Seymour Hersh said Dick Cheney ran an assassination squad out of the White House that operated overseas. Never believe guys who say it’s a sacrifice to work in government. In the private sector, all you have are video games.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner asked Congress for the power to seize any company he deems is failing and claim it for the Treasury. It was just a slight miscommunication. Last week when Geithner heard the president call him the finest Treasury secretary since Alexander Hamilton, he thought Obama said Czar Alexander.

Bud Selig (right) vowed to force the best U.S. ballplayers into next year’s World Baseball Classic after we were eliminated by Japan this year. It was the same story. Japan copied the designs of American players and now they can make them for half the price.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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