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Humor by Argus Hamilton: Woe to the ShamWow guy

President Obama imposed a 30-mpg standard for cars and 24 miles per gallon for SUVs. He wants banks to get back on their feet by making risky loans, and he wants car companies to get back on their feet by making cars that Americans refuse to buy. He graduated at the top of his class at the Trotsky School of Business.

Rush Limbaugh’s ratings got a big jump in March as the Democrats demonized him daily. Nothing annoys this administration like a white male quoting the Constitution. Their strategy is first to get them off the radio and then to get them off the currency.

Bill Clinton’s boyhood house in Arkansas was voted a historic site by Congress. It’s a shrine for some people. Womanizers and comedians from all over the world go there in the belief that bathing in the water will cure their slumps.

The Smoking Gun reported that ShamWow commercial spokesman Vince Shlomi got in a fight with a hooker in his Miami Beach hotel room. It’s easy to deduce what started the fight. When he ordered one hooker, he thought he’d get two – plus free steak knives.

Sean Penn (right) announced he will star in a movie about the life of Larry Fine of the Three Stooges. Finding people to play Moe and Curly won’t be any problem. At the rate people are leaving Obama’s Cabinet, there are plenty of stooges available.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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