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Humor: Hillary, the movie

The Supreme Court heard arguments on whether the documentary “Hillary the Movie” was a campaign ad or if it’s free speech. The justices are split. Liberals feel it’s 90 minutes of hate speech but conservatives loved the scene where Hillary destroys Tokyo.

The White House issued a toll-free number for a recorded foreign policy update from Hillary Clinton, but the number turned out to be a phone sex line. It was an honest goof. They accidentally gave out the number for the Bill Clinton update.

Republican congressmen walked down the Capitol steps together to publicize the GOP budget proposal. It was quite a sight. There were 200 white guys wearing blue suits and red ties, and they just voted unanimously against cloning.

Ex-Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was indicted for fraud. It’s unfair. When he tried to sell a U.S. Senate seat for a million dollars last September, he had no idea it would be worth only $300,000 six months later.

North Korea was seen in satellite photos fueling an ICBM missile for Saturday’s launch. Google Earth doesn’t lie. It’s a miracle that technology invented for watching nude sunbathers in their backyards has a dual purpose for national security.

John McCain urged a presidential pardon for the first black heavyweight champ, Jack Johnson. He was convicted 90 years ago for transporting women across the state line for immoral purposes. Just knowing that law is still on the books could be enough to cancel the passenger railroad line from Los Angeles to Las Vegas in the stimulus bill.

The Group of 20 nations meeting in London agreed to clamp down on corporate tax havens like Luxembourg. High taxes prevent illegal immigration. Mexican workers won’t come to the United States anymore because they have bigger plans with their lives.

French first lady Carla Sarkozy took Michelle Obama (below) on a tour of the Strasbourg Cathedral. It was very chilly inside. Sarkozy walked around with that I-am-a-supermodel air, and Obama had that air of Queen Elizabeth likes me best.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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