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Humor by Agus Hamilton: Madonna’s adoption efforts

President Obama meets Thursday with Mexico President Felipe Calderón. They will discuss border violence, sex-trafficking, and drug-running. After the small talk about their favorite HBO shows, they will get down to business.

Madonna was refused permission to adopt an African girl by the judge in Malawi after objections from the child’s family. It’s terrible. What’s a family compared to a celebrity’s inner circle when it comes to knowing how to raise a child?

Hillary Clinton blamed America’s illegal drug habit for Mexico border violence. If her anti-drug campaign is as successful as her health care program was, within two years, drugs will be legal and Congress will be Republican.

U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice couldn’t get the Security Council to criticize North Korea for its missile launch. The United Nations is afraid to say anything. If it condemns every communist country with a government-owned economy and a controlled media that only praises the leader, the U.N. may have to move out of New York.

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il (right) launched another long-range missile that fell harmlessly into the ocean. It was his third consecutive dud. He is the only world leader who needs a glass-bottom boat to review his space program.

Michelle Obama’s wardrobe in Europe last week caused J. Crew sweater sales to skyrocket. The world simply adores her. This recession would be over if the first lady had arrived at Buckingham Palace wearing an American bank around her shoulders.

North Korea fired a Taepodong-2 missile over the Sea of Japan in an attempt to send a satellite into orbit. The missile’s range included Hawaii and Alaska. U.S. President Obama denounced the rocket launch and apologized for the Korean War.

The Hollywood Bowl said its Easter pageant sold out earlier than ever before in its history. It’s a nationwide phenomenon. People this year long to see Jesus rise, thinking if it can happen to Jesus, it could happen to their houses.

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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