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Humor by Argus Hamilton: Church with a TelePrompter

The White House admitted last week that President Obama had not selected a church to join the week leading up to Easter. He’s looking for a perfect fit. That would be where he could worship Jesus on a prayer rug facing Mecca and a TelePrompter.

Yankee Stadium was christened last week when an American bald eagle landed on the hand of US Airways pilot Capt. Sully Sullenberger at home plate. That’s typecasting for you. Fred Astaire couldn’t get rid of Ginger Rogers, and Sullenberger can’t get rid of birds.

South Carolina’s Department of Archives began selling old Confederate war bonds to raise money for upkeep. They’re selling for eight times their face value in U.S. dollars. If they could sell enough of these to China, the South could rise again.

George W. Bush was cheered as he threw out the first pitch for the Texas Rangers. He’s had a great month. He spoke in Canada, he threw out the first pitch in Texas and he just found out there’s a national holiday in his honor on April 1.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates (right) assured Fox News that Pakistan is being watched extremely carefully by the United States. We’re talking about a nuclear-armed country with extremists in charge of its government. And then there is Pakistan.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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