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Humor by Argus Hamilton: The car Congress designed for GM

General Motors showcased its two-wheel electric vehicle, the Puma. It’s too fast for the sidewalks, too slow for the streets – and lacks safety features. It didn’t take Congress two weeks to design its first car for GM.

Boston Tea Parties were held Wednesday in protest of bailouts of banks, carmakers and homeowners. Nobody actually threw tea into the water. Nothing about this economic situation will be improved by creating hypercaffeinated fish.

Somali pirates hijacked an American cargo ship in the Indian Ocean but were overwhelmed by the U.S. crew. The shipper was insured against seizure by pirates. If GM had only thought to buy such a policy, its former CEO would still have a job.

Byron Dorgan (right), a senator from North Dakota, introduced a bill permitting Americans to visit Cuba for the first time in five decades. Havana’s streets are filled with 50-year-old Chevys, Fords and Chryslers in flawless condition. The goal of the policy is to topple the Castro government and turn Cuba into the Museum of American Car Excellence.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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