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Humor: Torture advice from Spain?

Spain’s justice minister announced that his country won’t prosecute the Bush administration for torturing detainees at Guantanamo. The country that devised the Inquisition gave us the thumbs-up on our interrogation methods. It’s like being told by the Sham Wow guy that you have a real flair for sales.

French and Italian wineries reported that the consumption of wine fell with the economy this year throughout continental Europe. However, wine sales in United States remain strong. Apparently last century all the alcoholics migrated to America and left the European market with only the people who can take it or leave it.

Fidel Castro (right) met with the Congressional Black Caucus in Havana last week. The U.S. lawmakers said America should copy Cuba’s agricultural system. If a Republican praised sugar and tobacco plantations whose workers weren’t able to leave, his career would be over.

The Dallas Cowboys plan to christen their new stadium against the New York Giants in September. The stadium has a retractable roof. It opens during the fourth quarter so God can see that the team is really trying to beat the point spread.

Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano said Iraq war vets were ripe pickings for right-wing extremist groups when they come home. She had to apologize. There was a time in this country when Elvis Presley’s haircut made him a GI, not a skinhead.

Colombian authorities arrested top cocaine cartel chieftain Don Mario in Caracas after the drug kingpin put a bounty on cops. This shows you how lucrative the drug trade is. Only drug lords can afford to buy brand-name paper towels.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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