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Humor: Mis California and gay marriage

Miss California lost the Miss USA Pageant after a gay judge didn’t like her opposition to same-sex marriage. When it comes to this issue, thoughtful Americans can disagree. But what does that have to do with Miss California?

The FDA said 260 tons of pharmaceutical drugs are dumped in U.S. drinking water annually. You knew we had a problem when terror suspects emerged from waterboarding asking for another hit.

U.S. Open promoters said they’re having a hard time selling corporate sponsor tents for the golf tournament. They can be handy. Last fall Lehman Brothers bought a tent along the 18th fairway and they are still living in it.

Hugo Chavez (right), Venezuelan president, gave Barack Obama a book in Spanish that he can’t read. Obama gave Gordon Brown movies that don’t work in British DVD players. It’s a diplomatic incident per week. Ever since the department stores laid off their personal shoppers, world leaders have had to fend for themselves.

The World Trade Center towers were reported to be 28 years away from being rebuilt and fully occupied. It’s a good plan. By then, Osama bin Laden and his crew will be so old they won’t be able to knock over a vending machine.

President Obama said the U.S. was about to change its relationship with Cuba. He has his reasons. Conservatives have been complaining that Obama is a Manchurian candidate, but it turns out he’s a secret scout for the Chicago White Sox.

Capt. Richard Phillips flew home to Vermont after his rescue from Somali pirates. He was overjoyed. He thanked God six times, which was enough to put the returning sailor on the Homeland Security watch list for suspected right-wing extremists.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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