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Humor: How to become a banana republic

President Obama opened the door to prosecuting the Bush administration for torturing prisoners tied to al-Qaida. It’s an idea he picked up at the Summit of the Americas. We’re not a banana republic until the previous administration is imprisoned.

Ex-Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush announced plans to go on a dinner circuit together. After 100 days of hope and change, Americans are nostalgic for the days of adultery and torture.

Somali pirate Abduhl Wali-i-Musi was arraigned in Manhattan after his capture at sea. He’s locked up in the same jail as investor swindler Bernie Madoff. It just shows that the only difference between civilization and Somalia is a salad fork.

Homeland Security’s Janet Napolitano drew an international protest from Ottawa by saying the World Trade Center bombers came from Canada. Of course that’s untrue. Covering up for Saudi Arabia is a U.S. tradition as old as the Model-T.

Mel Gibson (right) was sued for divorce amid tabloid charges of infidelity. It is irrelevant under California law. Wife Robyn is leaving after 29 years since her genealogy trace revealed she’s Jewish.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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