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Humor: Congress can’t ctch swime flu from pork

President Obama met with an archaeologist in Mexico two weeks ago who’s since died of swine flu. He was fully exposed. It allows us to hope that Barack Obama did not shake hands with Hugo Chavez in a gesture of solidarity, but was trying to kill him.

Congress returned to work amid a national scare over swine flu. It took awhile to get everybody settled down. There was panic inside the Budget Committee until health officials explained to lawmakers that they cannot catch it from pork.

Fox Network turned down President Obama’s request for airtime for his White House press conference Wednesday. Instead the network will air the drama, “Lie to Me.” Anyone who can tell the difference wins two free tickets to the “American Idol” finale.

The Detroit Lions signed Georgia’s Matthew Stafford to a $78 million deal for six years. The contract is not guaranteed for the top pick in the draft. Nobody can be absolutely sure there will still be a Detroit six years from now.

The PGA will honor former President George H.W. Bush (right) at the Players Championship at Sawgrass next month. His love of the game is legendary. The moment he got word that Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait, he asked the next three groups if he could play through.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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