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Humor: Use Photoshop instead of NYC plane stunt

New Yorkers panicked seeing what looked like Air Force One flying low over the city’s skyscrapers. They thought the plane had been hijacked. From now on, presidents will have to take off their shoes and go through security before they can get on the plane.

President Obama was furious when told that Air Force One buzzed NYC for a publicity photo. Imagine his anger at the publicity department. How many times does he have to tell them that he’s the star of this show and not some airplane?

The White House Military Office said it flew the president’s plane over New York to get a picture of it over the Statue of Liberty. It was easier to start a panic in New York, spend $300,000 of taxpayer money and then apologize than it was to learn Photoshop.

President Obama chided credit card company CEOs. He wants to personally control credit card lending, he wants to personally control student lending and he wants to personally control banks. It’s hard to remember that Democrats thought it was an abuse of power when President Nixon wrote a play for the Washington Redskins.

Arlen Specter (right) changed to the Democratic party after 30 years as a GOP senator. He spent a long Sunday with his conscience and his spiritual adviser. All the lawmakers go to St. John’s Episcopal ever since the church hired a pollster to be the new rector.

Israel’s health minister asked news organizations to refer to swine flu as Mexican flu. He said “swine” flu is offensive to Muslims and Jews. Mexico could be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for finding the one thing Muslims and Jews can agree on.

The New York Yankees halved the price of those $2,500 seats in the new Yankee Stadium. Nobody sat in them during the first homestand. The Yankees are playing so badly that the seats are worth $2,500 only if they face the other way.

Capt. Richard Phillips was honored in Vermont after his rescue from pirates. He’s back in the U.S. just in time for 10 percent unemployment and swine flu. When he volunteered to be a hostage in Somalia, he was following his survival instinct.

The White House was locked down last week after a Cessna flew into restricted airspace. As soon as the Democrats took office, they restricted the airspace over Washington to protect the birds from being struck by planes.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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