Tucson CitizenTucson Citizen

Humor: Pizza and real Americans

Workaholics Anonymous was reported Friday to be the most popular new recovery program in America. They use a toll-free hot line. When you get the urge to put in an eight-hour day, you call them up and they send two government workers to talk to you.

Jeb Bush held a town hall Saturday in a Virginia pizza parlor as Republicans tried to connect with real Americans. Thus the pizza. Pollsters advised that to connect with regular Americans, they need to gain 40 pounds each.

Mexico on Sunday protested when China quarantined Mexican tourists inside a Hong Kong hotel where one had the flu. Epidemiologists called it an example of what can be done when you don’t have to worry about the Hispanic vote.

President Obama told reporters Saturday he will consider nominees to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter (right) as much for their empathy as for their legal experience. He wants a woman of color who has empathy for real people and experience as a judge. But how’s he going to get Paula Adbul through the Senate confirmation process?

The White House began vetting possible Supreme Court nominees Friday. Officials expect to find a justice by October, but that may be optimistic. It took three months to find a hypoallergenic dog that is paid up on its taxes.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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