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Humor: Different ways of observing National Prayer Day

President Obama marked National Prayer Day with a proclamation instead of a White House prayer service. Everyone’s different. Bill Clinton came to Jesus, George W. Bush talked to Jesus and Barack Obama fills in for Jesus on major holidays.

Sarah Palin’s teen daughter Bristol, herself a mother, told a National Teen Pregnancy Awareness Day rally in New York that she misses her freedom. She also misses the baby’s father. So far she’s shot high and to the left every time he’s come to the door.

The President took Joe Biden out to lunch at a Virginia hamburger restaurant famous for its aged beef. The trip was the vice president’s idea. The best way to calm the nation about swine flu is to remind them mad cow is still out there waiting to strike.

Pakistan sought U.S. help guarding its nuclear arsenal from advancing Taliban. We face two scenarios. Either President Obama halts the Taliban from seizing Pakistan’s nukes or we can all finally stop worrying about retirement planning.

Liberty Sun shipping asked Congress for the right to arm its commercial ships against Somali pirates. It’s a dangerous world out there, but it’s lucrative. Replacing bullet-ridden U.S. flags is the biggest business in China since tennis shoes.

Sen. Arlen Specter was enraged when Sen. Harry Reid stripped him of his seniority after telling him if he turned Democrat he could keep it. Where’s he been? Reid represents Nevada and the people there won’t even deliver the mail unless you tip.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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