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Humor: Ramirez, Octomom mixed up prescriptions

L.A. Dodgers superstar Manny Ramirez admitted he took a banned substance but was careful to point out he didn’t take steroids. That’s illegal. If convicted of steroids use, he could get four to eight years as governor of California.

Manny Ramirez admitted taking a female fertility drug that was put on the banned substance list last year. This gave him a range of explanations. No one believed his first story that he and the Octomom got their prescriptions mixed up.

President Obama went to a Virginia hamburger stand for lunch and ordered a burger with Dijon mustard. He got puzzled looks. If you ask the average Virginian in a restaurant for Dijon they give directions to the men’s room.

Lady Liberty’s crown, closed since the World Trade Center attack, will be reopened by the Interior Department. Things have changed since then. When tourists thought they might be hit by a hijacked airliner, they were afraid to go up the Statue of Liberty. But now that they could be hit by Air Force One, it is an honor.

Jeb Bush (right) began giving political interviews, spurring rumors he may run for president. Conservatives were overjoyed on talk radio. Conservatives are like alcoholics in their persistent delusion that with the next Bush, it’s going to be different.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: argus@argushamilton.com

Citizen Online Archive, 2006-2009

This archive contains all the stories that appeared on the Tucson Citizen's website from mid-2006 to June 1, 2009.

In 2010, a power surge fried a server that contained all of videos linked to dozens of stories in this archive. Also, a server that contained all of the databases for dozens of stories was accidentally erased, so all of those links are broken as well. However, all of the text and photos that accompanied some stories have been preserved.

For all of the stories that were archived by the Tucson Citizen newspaper's library in a digital archive between 1993 and 2009, go to Morgue Part 2

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