The New York Yankees were reported to be embarrassed about the empty $2,000-per-seat section. It’s been a rude awakening. When the tickets were priced last year, the Yankees had no idea the New Yorkers who could afford them were running Ponzi schemes from laptop computers in their home offices.
The President slashed Chrysler’s ad budget in half. This is his area of expertise. Barack Obama told the automaker it didn’t need $100 million in advertising if the company can just run a few negative ads in Iowa and get Chris Matthews on its side.
President Obama will address the Arab world from Egypt in two weeks. He thinks coexisting with the Muslim world depends on communication. In case he’s wrong, he will speak from behind bulletproof glass and hire local kids to start his car.
The White House released photos of Air Force One flying low over New York City. Cell phone videos showed people running through the streets in panic. The Air Force One flyover project has been renamed the President’s Project on Physical Fitness.
Roger Clemens (right) hired a publicist to battle steroid charges. Athletes have a new angle for public sympathy. Doctors say steroids will shorten your life by 30 years, but the players say they are just doing their part to keep Social Security solvent.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org