Freelance
Cover story
STEPHEN ROSANELLI
Special to Metromix.com
So you put off buying a Valentine’s Day gift until the last minute. Don’t worry! You still have options.
Most gas stations are open 24 hours a day, if not more. A little effort and a lot of panache can save the day and help you make this one of the most romantic days of her year. With a Walgreens on nearly every other corner in Tucson, and a Circle K on all the rest, you really have no excuse not to get her something. The following ideas are quick, easy, and cheap, and will, we hope, not make her feel likewise.
• Stuffed animals – Make sure you get the synthetic kind and not the ones that require a visit to the taxidermist, which are romantic only if the person you are dating happens to be Ted Nugent. Walgreens, Fry’s and Circle K all have these in spades. In fact, stuffed gorillas holding boxes of chocolates are set to become the fourth largest minority group in America by 2012, and that’s not even true! A good rule of thumb here is that the bigger the stuffed animal you get, the more you love her. Yes, size counts with stuffed animals as well.
• Chocolates – While there are many to choose from, there’s only one worth mentioning: the Whitman’s sampler. It will let her know that you care about her just enough. Just enough that you made it to the drugstore in time to pick up some chocolates. If your valentine has a sense of humor or, alternatively, you can’t stand her and want to send a not-so-subtle hint to that effect, get her a large chocolate shaped like a fish that says “You’re a keeper!” These have been a hard item to keep in stock this season, so hopefully they won’t all be sold out by the time you make it to the store.
• Roses – but not the real kind, which are overpriced and die within the week. Get her a Valentine’s Day flashing rose. It will last forever (certainly longer than your relationship), which means it can be re-gifted next Valentine’s Day.
• Write her a poem – If you’ve read any modern poetry, then you know that poems don’t have to rhyme anymore, or even make the least damn bit of sense. Tell her that if she really loves you, she’ll know what it means. Make sure to include lots of metaphors about trains going into tunnels and cigars. She’ll get the hint). If you are still intimidated by the prospect of writing a poem, then just copy one from a card in the store. Don’t worry – it’ll be our little secret.
• Write her a song – If you can’t play a musical instrument, then get some friends together and play her Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” on Rock Band. She’ll love it even if it makes Steve Perry roll over in his grave.
• Finally, get her a boxed set of Dawson’s Creek – You might have a harder time finding this at Walgreens or the gas station, so you may have to settle with any DVD starring James Van Der Beek. Trust me, it will have the same effect.
*Steve Perry is alive and well, despite your renditions of Journey songs at karaoke and Rock Band