How would you like an 80-year-old Monster living in your backyard? One Southwest Side family loves it – but that’s because Monster is a charming and gentle tortoise.

Monster is his fashionable backyard habitat/submitted photo

Monster may weigh in at a stocky 40 pounds and be so named because he is huge compared to the family’s other two tortoises, but he still has to be separated from Wilson and Sleepy.

“Wilson gets aggressive,” Monster’s mom said – but no problems were reported between Monster and the family’s two birds and two dogs.

Monster is even known to help with chores around the home and yard. He loves following his human dad around, and even “helped out” by getting beneath a chair his dad was standing on while working on his truck.

“Monster went under the chair and lifted him about 2 inches off the ground,” mom said.

“I guess the hardest part of owning a tortoise is that they can get so big, making their habitat is a little harder,” she said. “Oh yes, and finding romaine lettuce on sale.”

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer? E-mail comment and photo to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

What do you think?

Do you think tortoises make a good pet? Why or why not?

Treat your dog to two exciting events this Saturday and Sunday – and plan to create some crafts or baked goods for a third.

Enter your dog in the archery contest/Ryn Gargulinski

Strut your pooch’s stuff at Arizona Greyhounds Rescue’s
Greyhounds & Friends Fall Festival Fundraiser

When: 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 7
Where: Brandi Fenton Memorial Park, Ramada A
How much: $5 per family, includes raffle ticket

From best dressed to coolest trick with the closet human/dog look-alike in between, a cache of Canines Got Talent contests is on the agenda. Sawyer, Phoebe and I are especially eager to see the entries as I’m one of the judges.

Folks will also get to meet a host of foster dogs, in case they are looking to adopt, and get a $5 nail clipping (Phoebe’s favorite), a chance to win prizes, decorate a pumpkin, enter a dog biscuit bake-off and more.

“We really want to encourage the community to get to know the greyhound breed so our event is for more than just greyhounds,” said dog lover, AGR volunteer and food blogger Karyn Zoldan. “This is the first time AGR has ever done an event outside our breed so we’re really excited.”

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Get tips from Responsible Dog Ownership Day/Ryn Garguilnski

Don’t be a jerky dog owner like the folks that own Bimbo and Dumbo by attending
AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day

When: 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 8
Where: Reid Park, Ramada No. 7 (enter at first 22nd Street entrance east of Country Club)
How much: Free, raffle tickets $1

Loads of information and activities are on the agenda. Fun stuff includes dog demonstrations and photo booths for you and your dog where you can get your dog’s mug on a coffee mug.

Adoption info from dog rescue groups; info on how you can get any dog, purebred or not, involved with AKC performance events; info on training classes; and $20 microchipping will also be available.

You can also get your dog’s manners tested to see if he passes the Canine Good Citizen exam. Sawyer says he wants nothing to do with that one. Phoebe just barked incessantly when I asked if she were interested.

The German Shepherd Dog Club of Southern Arizona and other Tucson dog lovers joined the American Kennel Club to host the event. You’ll be able to meet some fine German Shepherds and learn more about the breed.

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One more animal nugget:

HOPE Animal Shelter’s Craft and Bake sale is coming up Nov. 21 and they are looking for crafters and bakers to donate yummy and interesting creations.

Craft donations can be brought to the shelter the week before the event with baked items brought in the day of. The shelter is located at 2011 E. 12th St. and can be reached at 792-9200. For more info, e-mail Marsha Wronski at mlwronski@yahoo.com

What’s your pet’s best talent? Has he won any contests?

Is your pet an obedient pet or could he use a dose of training?

Are you a fan of greyhounds and/or German Shepherds?

University of Arizona’s mascot Wilbur the Wildcat, who made his costumed debut back in 1959, will be celebrating his birthday during this weekend’s homecoming festivities.

Wilbur the Wildcat turns 50/submitted image

UA’s homecoming weekend runs Nov. 5 to 8 and includes the homecoming football game where the Arizona Wildcats face the Washington State Cougars. Click here for full schedule of events.

There was no mention if Wilbur would get a birthday cake – or carcass – but he’ll be dancing in style. That’s what mascots do.

The original UA mascot actually dates back to 1915, according to the UA website, when a real, live bobcat was used. His name was Rufus Arizona, in honor of UA President Rufus von KleinSmid.

Live bobcats were used for some time, until people got wise that the desert denizens may not be enjoying the games much, and the practice was discontinued in the mid-1960s.

But costumed Wilbur, who even has a wife named Wilma, has been prancing about ever since.

While mascots are necessary additions to any team, they can also be pretty creepy.

You never know who may be lurking beneath that costume – or if the person is wearing any clothes.

UA lucked out as Wilbur is actually quite keen, but other college teams are stuck with some disturbing mascots, as listed on Bofa D’s Guide to Strange College Mascots.

Bofa D did note that wildcats in general are lame, since so many teams have them. He said Kansas State and Northwestern both have wildcats, although they are of the purple variety. At least Wilbur isn’t purple.

Some of the creepiest college mascots include:

The bright green mean thing: A boll weevil wobbles around the field at the University of Arkansas Monticello.

The pale yellow fat thing: A banana slug slings its gut at UC Santa Cruz.

The goofy gross grey thing: A malformed elephant named Big Al lumbers about to cheer on the Alabama Crimson Tide.

What do you think?

Is Wilbur the Wildcat the cat’s pajamas or a lame-o feline?

What would be an ideal mascot for any college team?

What is the coolest/creepiest mascot you recall?

Yes, we are all sick of the swine flu, especially those who have become sick from it.

Art by Ryn Gargulinski/Photo by Emily

But we can get an even bigger headache if we believe some of the swine flu myths or spend our life savings on products that make false claims for treating, curing or preventing against the H1N1 virus.

Myth – Pigs don’t get it.

Pigs can indeed get the H1N1 virus, and it’s not just your neglected and marginal alley pigs. In fact, six show pigs who were waddling their stuff at the Minnesota State Fair tested positive for the virus, according to a Reuters report posted on the ABC news website.

The first pig to test positive from the batch got honors on Oct. 19 as the first pig known to have the swine flu in the United States.

“The new strain of H1N1 virus, which has genetics from humans, birds and swine, likely circulated undetected in pigs for at least a decade before jumping to humans, according to an expert at the University of Arizona,” the story said.

Myth – Great swine flu cures and preventions can be found from overpriced items sold online.

Sham products include: “phony prescription drugs, ‘sterilizers,’ fake food supplements, magic shampoos, facemasks, a ‘silver spray’ claiming to protect against the flu virus and a phony ‘photon’ machine marketed with the false claim that it boosts the immune system,” according to a news release from Arizona Attorney General Terry Goddard’s office.

Also be wary of products or even natural remedies that have been around for years that are all of a sudden claiming to calm, prevent or treat the flu. Be especially cautioned against products that boast about curing swine flu while they increase your sex drive, make you lose weight without dieting, or whiten your teeth overnight.

Myth – Folks can get swine flu from eating bacon, pork chops and other pig products.

While some pig products, like those pig feet you see floating in a milky liquid, may not be at the top of your appetizer list, none pose a threat of giving you the flu from simply ingesting them, according to the Reuters story.

Nevertheless, the story added, the U.S. hog market has been affected, with China banning U.S. pork products since May and Mexico hoping to instill such a ban.

Myth – Older people are most at risk for swine flu.

It’s actually the younger set that is more likely to fall prey to H1N1. Some older folks have a strengthened immune system, said the Gulf Daily News, thanks to living through pandemics that previously killed off millions. These include 1918’s Spanish flu; 1957’s Asian flu and 1968’s Hong Kong flu.

Those are some tough elders who may still be thriving today after suffering through the Spanish flu of 1918.

Myth – Piglet is the butt of jokes.

Unfortunately, this myth is true, as Winnie the Pooh’s little pink pal has become somewhat of an outcast. Don’t fret too much, as reports have indicated that Eeyore, at least, has remained on speaking terms with him.

What do you think?

What are some other swine flu myths and scares that you’ve heard?

Do you care Piglet has become an outcast?

Many of us have heard the warnings – keep your pets inside on Halloween or they could end up as satanic sacrifices.

Illustration Ryn Gargulinski

Actually, the standard line in Halloween pet safety lists reads something like: There are plenty of stories of vicious pranksters who have teased, injured, stolen, even killed pets on this night.

The warnings, especially the cult-related, focus on black cats, which throughout history have been considered the dark embodiment of evil.

Over the years, according to our favorite myth-busting website Snopes.com, the rumors have expanded to include white cats, the symbol of virginity and purity; black dogs, especially Doberman pinchers and Damien-esque Rottweilers; and then to all pets of all sorts.

Goats, of course, are on the list year-round. And you better hide that rabbit.

While these rumors may or may not be true, some shelters across the nation actually curtail adoptions of black cats – or any animal – during the Halloween season.

Others relay creepy stories, like two Brooklyn, N.Y., shelter workers who swear a woman came in for a black cat on Halloween dressed as a witch.

“We told her no,” Snopes quotes a worker. “We know she only wanted the cat for a Halloween ritual.”

Another shelter owner points out that cults are not going to traipse on down to a shelter, go through a background check and pay good money they could instead use for a new cauldron or something just to adopt an animal they intend to slaughter.

They’re going to take it from the streets or someone’s backyard.

Even if our pets are not likely to end up kidnapped by a satanic cult on Halloween night, it is a good idea to keep them inside.

You don’t need the headache of wondering if Fido will bolt out the gate or Fifi will attack a kid dressed as a goblin.

And even if a cult is not going to gather up your animal for slaughter, you don’t need those same yahoos who think it’s funny to throw eggs at your window to have unlimited access to your beloved pet.

After all, There are plenty of stories of vicious pranksters who have teased, injured, stolen, even killed pets on this night.

What do you think?

Have you heard rumors of Halloween pet abuse or sacrifices?

Have you seen it in action?

Wild horses may not be dragging anyone away – they are too busy being slaughtered and harassed, advocates say. They are also pretty tangled up in a debate about their fate.

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

While more than a million mustangs used to prance around our plains less than a century ago, the number has dwindled to fewer than 40,000. Some put the estimates at 37,000 or so, while Jody Blaylcock, lifelong horse owner and equine advocate, says it’s even lower.

“There are only 15,000 horses left in the wild in the United States (despite false and misleading numbers being circulated by the Bureau of Land Management),” she wrote in an e-mail.

Two camps are clearly drawn in the wild horse debate.

One side consists of animal advocates, like Blaylock and organizations such as the Cloud Foundation, who say wild horses should continue to roam free in the West.

The other side, which supports a recent proposal put forth by Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, wants the horses moved East and Midwest where they say the population can be better cared for and controlled.

What is Salazar’s plan?

The $96 million proposal is to buy two ranches and contract with five other private ranches to house the wild horse population, according to a report in USA Today. No locations were given for any of the ranches.

Salazar supporters say wild horses will do better in this controlled environment where they won’t conflict with cattle and don’t have the threat of starving to death.

This plan, although expensive, is also supposed to save money in the long run, as keeping horses out in the West is costing a pretty penny. Or several million of them.

This year’s horse program’s price tag has been estimated at $50 million, most of which goes for food, care and moving many of the horses from the 29 million acres of federal land to private accommodations in Oklahoma, South Dakota and Kansas, the USA Today report said.

The report also quotes BLM spokesman Tom Gorey saying the wild horses should be neutered so no more than 17,500 are in the breeding population and the overall herd size should be dwindled to down 26,600.

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Those opposing the plan have already seen the havoc wreaked by BLM, according to a report in the Philadelphia Inquirer.

“Late this summer, using helicopters, (BLM) rounded up most of the herd, 146 horses, but then let 89 go, keeping 57 to auction off,” Jonathan Storm wrote in his piece: What Menaces the Mustangs.

“Strong lobbying from ranchers, who want the federal land for their 3.2 million sheep and cattle, keeps pressure on the puny population of mustangs,” he said. His article was a review of the TV show Challenge of the Stallions, which featured wild mustang Cloud, for whom the Cloud Foundation was formed.

Animal advocates also fear what fate awaits the remaining horses.

“If the BLM gets its way the remainder will soon all be shipped to Mexico (where they are being slaughtered in the most horrific ways imaginable) or broken apart into genetically unviable herds as per Ken Salazar’s recent plan,” Blaylock said. “The ROAM act (S-1579) is before the house right now, and if passed would reinstate the 1971 Wild Free-Roaming Horse and Burro Act, offering some protection to those animals who are left.”

What is the Wild Free-Roaming Horse and Burro Act?

I’ll let the Wild Horse Preservation Campaign, which mentions wild horses on public lands are outnumbered by cattle 200 to 1, answer that one:

In 1971, more letters poured into Congress over the threat to our nation’s wild horses than over any issue in U.S. history, except for the Vietnam War. And so Congress unanimously passed the Wild Free-Roaming Horse and Burro Act, declaring that “wild horses and burros are living symbols of the historic and pioneer spirit of the West; that they contribute to the diversity of life forms within the Nation and enrich the lives of the American people; and that these horses and burros are fast disappearing from the American scene.” The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) and the U.S. Forest Service (USFS) were appointed to implement the Act. Most herd areas are under BLM jurisdiction.

Fast-forward thirty years: in 2001, after decades of failed herd management policies, the BLM obtained a 50% increase in annual budget to $29 million for implementation of an aggressive removal campaign; in 2004, the 1971 Act was surreptitiously amended, without so much as a hearing or opportunity for public review, opening the door to the sale of thousands of wild horses to slaughter for human consumption abroad.

Sigh.

The entire fiasco is yet another example of man versus nature, with nature losing no matter which way you turn.

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Learn more:

Jody Blaylock, who is speaking out for horses on her own behalf, is also a member of the Pima County Sheriff’s Mounted Posse, which is its search and rescue group; the Tucson Saddle Club; and the American Quarter Horse Association. She grew up in a cattle ranch in western Oklahoma and has owned horses her entire life, including the three she now owns.

Blaylock will be giving a presentation as part of Ignite: Tucson
What: Wild horse presentation as part of Ignite: Tucson
Where: The Screening Room, 127 E. Congress St.
When: Thursday, Oct. 29 – Doors open 6:30 p.m., show starts at 7 p.m.
How much: $5

What do you think?

Are wild horses worth preserving or are they simply bothersome?

Are you sick of wildlife getting killed off or do you like how man can rule with annihilation?

Prairie dogs, which once roamed free all over Arizona grasslands before disappearing from the state, are in the process of being painstakingly re-introduced to southern Arizona.

Black-tailed prairie dog/Photo George Andrejko, AZ Game and Fish

Yet one man still saw fit to blow one to smithereens last week, according to a news release from the Arizona Game and Fish Department.

The guy, reportedly an Oro Valley deer hunter, used a high-powered 22-caliber rifle.

Prairie dogs weigh approximately 2 pounds.

The little critter was annihilated Friday morning, Oct. 23, near Sonoita, where a sign is clearly posted that says prairie dogs are off-limits.

Authorities tracked down the man after someone reported the crime. They found his vehicle Saturday evening and confronted him.

He claimed he was shooting at coyotes.

Well then, we have to give him some leeway. We can certainly see how the mix-up occurred, since prairie dogs and coyotes are so similar in stature, size and species. And why was he shooting at coyotes when he was out in a deer hunting area?

There was no mention if the man carried duct tape.

The slaughtered black-tailed prairie dog had been one of a group more than 100 imported last year from New Mexico to the area, east of Sonoita and north of State Route 82. More than 60 were introduced last month in the Las Cienegas National Conservation Area, about 50 miles southeast of Tucson.

Arizona’s black-tailed prairie dog’s population declined in the late 1800s and mid-1900s before dying out altogether.

The guy’s name is not being released pending the outcome of the investigation.

“We cannot successfully re-introduce this species to southern Arizona without protecting them,” said Don Mitchell, acting supervisor for the state Game and Fish Department in Tucson. “Let this incident serve as a warning to others not to indiscriminately shoot at wildlife.”

What do you think?

What is the mentality of someone who uses a high-powered rifle to blow away a 2-pound critter that just so happens to be off limits?

Would such a person kill a kitten or a child?

What would be a fitting punishment for killing a protected animal?

We love helping out our local animal shelters and organizations, but we don’t always have millions of dollars, or even an extra $20, to do so.

Karyn Zoldan's dog Lily may enter the Nov. 7 fundraiser's best dressed contest in her Carmen MiranDOG outfit/submitted photo

Not to fret. Two upcoming events need help and assisting with either will not cost you a penny.

Volunteer for really cool dog fest

Arizona Greyhound Rescue needs lots of volunteers for its upcoming Greyhounds & Friends Fall Festival Fundraiser. Sawyer was thrilled when I was asked to be a judge, so I’m definitely in. (No, he won’t be entering any contests with me judging.)

The gala affair will run from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Saturday, Nov. 7 at Brandi Fenton Memorial Park, Ramada A.

Activities will include a host of Canines Got Talent contests, featuring best trick, best dressed, closest human/dog look-alike, best-behaved foster dog and a dog biscuit bake-off.

You’ll also get to meet foster dogs from Cold Wet Noses, Santa Cruz Humane Society, Greyhounds2Go, Greyhound Adoption League, and get to know Equine Voices Rescue & Sanctuary.

The $5 admission covers the entire family and includes a raffle ticket for a chance to win a shopping spree on Fourth Avenue. Other raffles, auction items and cool stuff will be for sale. Will blog a reminder with more details closer to the event date.

If you’re going to attend anyway, you may as well make it even more fun by volunteering to help. Volunteers can e-mail vOlunteer96@azgreyhoundrescue.org. (The second character in the e-mail is the numeral 0, or zero, and nobody knows why.)

Donate your old junk to ACT

The Animal Cruelty Taskforce doesn’t really want junk per se. But it does want your unwanted electronics, jewelry, fine art, collectibles or clothing for its upcoming e-mail auction fundraiser. Check your garage or behind couches for unused, but still functional, TVs, DVD players, video game systems, computers, cell phones or computer accessories.

They will do the animals more good than just sitting gathering dust.

Drop off items from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. now through Friday, Oct. 30, at the Humane Society of Southern Arizona Companions for Life Center, 3465 E. Kleindale Rd.

The auction will be held Nov. 3 and 4 and benefit Action for Animals, the joint cruelty prevention programs of the HSSAZ and ACT. Will post more details on the auction as they become available.

Please note: No proceeds from either event will go to Dumbo and Bimbo.

The terrible twosome’s wacky habits

Phoebe the barking machine/Ryn Gargulinski

Phoebe is a barking machine.

She barks – incessantly – at everything from thunder to lightning, fireworks to car doors slamming, the doorbell to a passing motorcycle.

She especially has a field day with unseen people walking behind the backyard wall. And she’s nearly breaking the sound barrier while the folks next door have workers installing and standing atop their new patio roof.

Phoebe is the reason man invented earplugs. But you can’t complain about her being a good watchdog.

Sort of.

While her barking may have deterred a few unbeknownst robbers, vacuum salesmen and serial killers who were lurking about the property, it is falling short when I need it the most.

Bird feasting on new seed/Ryn Gargulinski

My latest deployment in my war against Bermuda grass has been gouging out still more sections of the lawn and adding five bags of topsoil coupled with two bags of grass seed. Quite pricey grass seed, I may add, as it’s billed as “Miracle Grass – as seen on TV.”

I need an alert watchdog to deter the birds that have been merrily stuffing their beaks with this all-you-can-eat seed buffet.

Bird feasting on seed/Ryn Gargulinski

And where can we find our fine Phoebe the barking machine?

Phoebe "protecting" the grass seed/Ryn Gargulinski

The terrible twosome’s wacky habits is a feature that highlights the strange habits of Ryn’s dogs Sawyer and Phoebe. If you have a strange pet habit to share, please e-mail to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

What do you think?

Should I fire her from watchdog duty?

Does your pet protect your grass seed or similarly fall short on certain duties?

Blackbirds singing in the dead of night may not happen much, but they are sure flitting about at all times of the day.

Gasquet, Calif., dumpster/Ryn Gargulinski

Southern Arizona has its fair share of the dark beauties, from the black-chinned hummingbird to the gloomy and doomy turkey vulture.

Blackbirds will be highlighted at the Free Fun Fest for Feathered Friends this Saturday, Oct. 24, at the Loft Cinema. The event is geared towards kids, but adults are more than welcome. See details below.

An awesome array of blackbirds around Tucson and Arizona can also be found at FireflyForest.net.

Some of my faves don’t live around here, but that doesn’t make them any less amazing.

Five best blackbirds (in no particular order):

Grackle – Loud, obnoxious and shriekingly annoying, these dudes are known for making a commotion. Males are black while females are a boring old brown and not quite as noisy. Some think the grackle is far more evil than the raven, but grackles prefer sitting on garbage cans rather than tombstones.

Raven – Nevermore. Ravens are associated with tombstones, death, ill omen and Edgar Allan Poe. I love them.

Sign o' the times/Ryn Gargulinski

Turkey vulture – Turkey vultures win your heart with their large, black, lush feathers, red-topped head and penchant for eating dead rotting things.

Crow – Crows have had a reverent place in my soul ever since throngs of them attacked our elementary school playground. One girl fell, screaming, and covered her head as if a tornado were coming. The crows commenced to stand around her in a circle and peck at any exposed flesh.

Black Phoebe – Never knew such a bird existed until I checked out the Arizona birds at the FireflyForest site. I adore the name, of course, which is the same as one of my dogs. Also bet this cute little feathered critter with a black head and white body barks a lot at a lot of nothing.

Freedom/Ryn Gargulinski

What: Free Fun Fest with Feathered Friends
When: 10 a.m. Saturday, Oct. 24 – open 9:30 a.m.
Where: Loft Cinema, 3233 E. Speedway Blvd.
More info: 309-5858
The event is presented by Opening Minds through the Arts Foundation and the Loft.
More on OMA: www.omafoundation.org

Event features free bird movies (no, not Alfred Hitchcock), free popcorn and free drawing lessons, to boot. Come early to see live birds on hand. Kids get to follow along the reading of Two Arizona Black Birds, written by the late Tucson veterinarian Milton Lipson and illustrated by David Fitzsimmons. Lispon’s wife, author and pediatrician Marilyn Heins, will be on hand as will Fitzsimmons. Fitzsimmons will show kids how to draw blackbirds. Ask him specifically how to draw a carrion-eating turkey vulture with extra carrion.

P.S. If you don’t eat the free popcorn, you can always smuggle it out to feed to the birds.

What do you think?

Do you adore blackbirds or find them evil?

Which blackbirds are your favorites? Your least favorite? Please explain.

Have you ever had your eyes gouged out by crows? Please send photos.